I think I'm a ghost sometimes
As if I'm as light as paper
And I just go where the wind blows me;
Sometimes I wish I would disappear
I think that's why I've become so faded
Because if you keep wishing for something hard enough
It can become your reality if you let it
So I let the wish fester beneath my heart
As if It a bad scab you never want to heal
So I just kept picking at it and picking at it
I nursed it between my rib cage
And my eyes drained of everything familiar to me
I deleted the girl I used to be
From all the pages that were covered in my soul dipped ink
Nothing was red because her veins bled black
And they crept through her body like black shadowed trees.
She wished so hard that she would just disappear
Along with everybody she used to know
But sometimes when you stab the monster inside,
All you end up doing is making it angry
Instead of killing it.
Maybe for Halloween this year I'll be a ghost
And I'll stop wanting to disappear
If I see how it is for a night

If I tilted my head to the side

All that would come pouring out are words

A jumbled mix that my own mouth can't conjure

The secrets of my past and the darkness of my mind

And the whole world would see how dirty I really am

The Spectrum of Time

I know you won’t be there
Tomorrow,
The next day,
Or even a year from now. 
Maybe that’s why my bed has become more of a hide out
Than a temporary place to rest my head,
It has become my lover, 
Memorizing the shape of my body
And the inconsistent thump of my heart
It has memorized all of the words I mumble through nightmares
And it has not left my side. 
My bed is my lover, 
Because sometimes reality is too painful to face,
Sometimes I can remember your voice a little bit better
If I hide behind my sheets,
Because the soft white walls won’t let the sadness seep in
And reality seems more like a dream than it does a truth
I miss you, 
But you've gone to a new world;
The one where memories are born

I used to wonder
Why emptiness feels so heavy
But-
I think we've all convinced ourselves
That we're empty
It's easier than accepting the truth
Saying your empty is like committing suicide
It's a cop out;
It gives you the excuse to live
Without actually living

I'm just a bunch of half finished poems
Things that we're started
But never finished
I am a compilation of everything broken
Nothing finished or completed
I am a bunch of dead end roads
Leading no where

Shes a dreamer, the kind that will sweep you away with intricate plans about her future. Shes a dreamer, like the kind that builds skyscrapers when she's asked to make a simple building. Shes a dreamer because she sees all she is, but knows all she wants to be. Shes dangerous for somebody like me, because I'm a realist, not a dreamer. Yet some how I'm still swept away by her every single day, I'm still caught in her dream and I don;t mind it. I like being with a dreamer, I like seeing things the way she does. She's dangerous, I like that about her.

And I deleted you from my mind

When I deleted everything I once wrote about you

To be honest it broke me

And for the first time in forever I cried

I don't know what it was, 

but you begged me to remember you during practice on Tuesday

So I put on a smile and bad jokes to make my teammates laugh

Even though you we're the only thing on my mind

And when we were finally dismissed I ran to my locker

And I cried

Not just a couple tears;

I fell to my knees trembling with your name under my breath

As I clutched my knees to my chest.

You're gone now, completely.

I don't have any more of your voice mails,

Your number hasn't been working for over two years,

And I can't for the life of me, remember what your eyes look like

My god, I don't even have my writings about you anymore. 

I never understood why people have a problem with ex's. If anything I know I love you because of my ex's. When we're tangled beneath our sheets enveloped by the darkness of my room as your breaths become sharper and faster I know I love you. I know I love  you because I'm focused on the sound of your breathing and the touch of your skin, I'm focused on the way your lips curve and your fingers clench the sheets. I love you because when you fall asleep beside me I'll stay awake for the next hour tracing your tattoo and kissing down your spine. Although others have kissed your skin and left faint traces of them on you, they are not the ones who still get to kiss you in the night and wake up to your smile in the morning. I swear I've spent hours trying to memorize every detail of you, I think that one day I'll regret it because when you leave I'll still be thinking about the way your skin feels beneath my fingers and the way your eyes light up in the sun. I could spend forever looking at you. I love you because somehow you have become more fascinating than the books I hide behind, and I'll kiss you every morning before I brush my teeth even though I hate doing that. (but your kisses are better than waiting to kiss you because morning breath) I love you in such a way that is completely unfathomable.