I"m sorry that I tried to leave you. I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to all your favorite songs; the songs you know every word to and sing along so effortlessly to. If you could miss somebody when you die, I would have missed you.

I would have missed looking into your dark brown eyes. Except for your eyes aren't just brown. When the sun filters through my blinds your eyes turn a golden hazel, and your iris weaves within each other creating unfathomable depth and dimensions. I never want to stop looking at you.

I would have missed all your freckles. I can kiss them all day long, and when you fall asleep I like to graze my fingertips along your arms admiring each one. Freckles make me happy, especially yours. And when I'm looking into your chestnut eyes and your face covered in freckles I somehow always picture you as a kid: running barefoot in the bright green grass as the sun rays dance along your fair skin. It's a perfect setting and I can almost feel the happiness of the freedom you felt as a child when I imagine it. (And of course I imagine your fire red hair flowing through the wind with a huge grin plastered across your face). If eyes are windows to the soul I wish I could climb right through yours and explore you.

I would have missed your smile. Sometimes I get so lost in your lips that I can't stop myself from tracing my fingertips across your lip. I want to memorize the feeling of your mouth so in case you leave I'll know exactly what it felt like. I love your smile: The one when you're so happy you crinkle your nose and hide behind your hands, the one when you flash a quick smile at me while your busy cleaning, the smile you give me right before you kiss me (but sometimes thats more of a grin), the smile when you have when you wake up next to me is my favorite smile. In that moment I think somehow my body has forced my heart into the pit of my stomach and all I want is to kiss you. I like the smile you give me before bed, when you're sleepy and you're fighting to keep your eyes open. Or the smile when I'm buried between your legs and we're enveloped in each other. I like all of your smiles and I'm quite sure I have not yet experienced even half of them. Damn, I would have missed that about you.

I would have missed holding your hand. Sometimes we take for granted our hands because they are such a part of us we forget they exist. It wasn't until recently that I realized how important they are. I like that you keep accidentally hurting my thumb, I think it's cute when you just want to hold my hand and feel my fingers within yours. I would have missed all the car rides we have experienced together with your hand in mine listening to your favorite songs. I would have missed holding your hand at night because sometimes cuddling is just too hot. I would have missed holding your hand while watching a movie because sometimes feeling you next to me and playing with your fingers is better than some stupid movie on the TV screen.

I would have missed everything about you. From me tracing your tattoos and kissing them, to me kissing your scars. I would have missed the warm feeling of happiness i get when you're in my arms and we're both pulling eachother closer even though it's impossible to get any closer than we already are. I hate feet in general, but I would have missed yours because playing footsie with you doesn't gross me out. I would have missed our domestic dinners, brushing my teeth with you and drinking coffee with you. If I left you I would have missed so many things about you I've only listed a couple, but if I tried to list all of the things I'd miss about you I'd be writing forever.